Little Miss Needy

Okay, so when you start dating someone in the military, you take on the knowledge and responsibility of being strong while the men go in the field. You stay strong while they're deployed/in the field/over seas in any way. And while yes, I am being "strong", my heart breaks when Honey is away. 

Getting everything ready to leave me for a week. How dare he. 

I remember when Matthew was at West Point, he had to go to Basic Training right away and we couldn't talk for three weeks. The next year, it was longer! I cried longer and harder than ever before. I never knew how attached I was to Matthew. After that, he'd jump in and out of the field from time to time and of course, I'd cry. When he would come home for visits, I'd be so nervous I'd have butterflies. When he'd leave, even though we knew he'd come back, I'd cry like a baby all over again. Everyone I ever talked to said "it'll get easier". Whoever said that--they're damn liars and must have taken drugs through the experience. It never got easier!

Since we got married, we really haven't been away from each other much. He went to Colorado for three days (in total, there and back) and I was devastated. What I knew was worse? He had to do some overnight shifts of Staff Duty Officer and just having to sleep alone those few nights, I was not okay. (Yes, I cried! Shocking.)

WHY IS HE SO CUTEE?!

But now? I'm pregnant. I'm hormonal. And...I'm needy. And Matthew? He's gone. For A WEEK! And when he gets home after the week? HE GOES BACK TO THE FIELD FOR ANOTHER WEEK!! What the heck is wrong with the Army?! (Totally kidding, I know it's necessary. I just don't want him gone.) 

The night before Matthew left, I cried twice. The first time, we were having a tickle fight. I laughed so hard I almost peed and then I suddenly broke into a cry. An out of control cry that I couldn't stop. Then, before bed, I cried again. Just at the thought of him not being home to hold me at night. The next morning, I woke up and got Matthew ready for the week. I walked into the room after getting him snacks and he threw a curve ball at me. "I need you to put my war paint on. You're good with makeup!" Well that was a doozie. Afterwards, we packed him up, and I stood in the driveway in the rain balling my eyes out until he turned the corner. It hurt.

Yea, I tried doing the "makeup" too good. He ended up grabbing the paint stick and just striping it across his face. This was the end result. 

But the point of this post is 1. to show how cute my husband is with war paint and 2. and to say that things are hard. Having your spouse/significant other leave for an extended period, it's not easy. But it's life. And you have to go through it. And while you may not want to or be able to, you have to hide the pain. I'm sure it hurts Matthew to leave me too, but it's his job. And as much as one can say "I hate your job", it doesn't change that it's his job.

So, hang on. Stay strong. Keep on keeping on. Also, don't stay locked in your room or house and mope. It reaaaally doesn't help! Oh, and shower. It helps. What did I do? Well, the first day I binge ate and stayed in my jammies for a long time. I cried sporadically and would walk out of the room just to circle the livingroom, then would go back and cry. If someone spoke to me, I'd try holding out from crying so would just stay quite. I brought myself to shower that day though, so as stupid as it sounds, I accomplished something. I even ate dinner with the rest of my housemates! Day two? I slept in (which was MUCH needed), got dressed, and left the house! I went to a couple stores to grab a few things and actually felt...decent about myself! Best part? I'M GOING TO EXERCISE NOW!! What a life..

xo.